Breathe
by Principessa Di Morte
Summary: Clear, compressions, breathing. This is what loops through John's mind as he watches his brother, cold fingers losing the grip on the gossamer web that is his life. And he begs him to hold tight even while he can feel his very heartbeat slowing...


_Breathe_

**Sometime after season 5, Atlantis has been put back into the Pegasus galaxy. No slash, just deep friendship and family. T for tragedy and death and some violence/gore. One-shot, part songfic. **

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Colonel John Sheppard backed up against the partition behind him, effectively trapping him and Dr. Rodney McKay between a thick stone wall and a practical army of angry villagers. Yes, villagers. It reminded John of Frankenstein. This was ridiculous. He stepped forward and dropped his gun, raising his hands to show he was unarmed.

"Okay, guys, if you could just calm down… We came here to help you, alright? We don't want to hurt anybody… Just let us go and it'll all be fine. Okay?" He tried to reason. Not one person budged. He sighed deeply and tried a last attempt at radio. "Teyla? Ronon? You guys hear me? Where are you?..."

No reply. The last thing he'd seen of his other two team mates was both of them being carted away to God-knows-where after Ronon had attempted a shooting of the leader. Teyla had jumped into the ensuing fight, but John and Rodney had been trapped behind a throng of wildly gesticulating and extremely high-strung villagers. And now, here they were, again trapped, but this time they weren't angry-they were _furious_. And they had better weapons.

_"Come on, Sheppard. Can't we just take a peek? What harm could it do? I mean, it's not like they're really going to go all wacko on us if we just look in a cave. They probably won't even know."_

"They won't even know, huh, Rodney?" John now growled as he thought back to McKay's comment just before they'd ventured into a 'forbidden cave' that had ended up having a high-tech alarm system. Turned out, the cave was a sacred place to the villagers, and having the new strangers poking around in it really pissed them off.

"How was I supposed to know that they would really care that much?"

"Maybe because they _said _they did?"

"Hey, you came in too."

John rolled his eyes. "Hardly. I stayed at the entrance while you were jumping over everything just so I could protect your sorry little butt. I'm almost wishing I could've gotten taken with Ronon and Teyla."

"Oh, thanks, John. Good to know I mean so much to you."

"SILENCE!" The lead villager suddenly thundered. "Your constant bickering is giving me a migraine."

"Oh, good, well if you let me go I could get some aspirin for that." John quipped. He was quickly rewarded with a backhand to the face.

"Grumpy little guy," John muttered, pulling himself off the ground. The man had a much stronger physique than his appearance would suggest.

"Look, just let us go, alright? What is wrong with you people? W-we were just researching. We had no idea you guys would be so ticked at us for poking around in a little tiny cave thing!" Rodney exclaimed, his voice pitching slightly higher.

"We warned you that that cave was a holy place. You will pay the price for disrupting the spirits' residence!!"

"Oh, come on, how were we even supposed to know it was that cave?" Rodney inquired. _Stupid question, _he immediately thought. _Maybe because they _told _you, _Rodney repeated John's sardonic comment in his mind, internally wincing. _I am such an idiot. _

"Look," it was John speaking now. "Maybe we can negotiate here. I know we've been a lot of trouble here, but we can help you. I noticed you guys don't have any tools, and you're trying to build a little protective building thing over there for the earthquakes, right? If you let us go, I promise you, we can get you the materials and tools you need to finish it. And you can keep them. How does that sound?"

The leader looked pensive for a moment, then sighed, lowering his gun and motioning for the others to do the same. "Alright. But you must leave your weapons there and walk out slowly. I will retrieve your friends."

John nodded. "Okay then." He turned to Rodney. "Let's go." Rodney nodded and turned to go when an old man, probably senile, jumped out of the crowd, weapon raised, and yelled something about never leaving after disrupting the peace of their world.

Before John could do anything, he'd aimed and fired. There was a strange stillness for a moment, and Rodney looked down in shock at the growing patch of darkness on his vest. Then, he collapsed and all hell broke loose. The leader sprinted back, eyes wide, with three guards who grabbed the man. The what had been diminishing crowd had seen what happened and were going crazy. John couldn't move for a moment. He seemed to be frozen. Then, as Rodney's eyes made contact with his, something shattered in his mind and he sprinted forward, shoving through the villagers to get to his friend. Once there, he dropped to his knees, grimacing as he slid in the slick blood beginning to coat the stone beneath him.

"Hey-Come on, Rodney, look at me. Where'd it hit? Hey, easy, breathe…" John pulled Rodney's vest off and searched for the entry point of the bullet or whatever the thing had been. He winced upon finding it.

A hole scarred Rodney's skin just below his armpit, two inches in from his chest. It had hit between two ribs, probably at least nicking a couple arteries, a lung, and---John stopped thinking, just went into something of a robotic first-aid mode. His façade was shattered upon hearing a shout.

"Sheppard!" It was Ronon. He didn't turn.

"John? What is the ma-Oh, dear goodness…." Teyla and Ronon now appeared at the other side of Rodney's lifeless form.

John didn't address them, just kept working, minimizing blood loss, searching for anything else to help. Teyla had the mind to turn to Ronon and tell him to go back to the gate and bring a jumper with Dr. Keller. He nodded and darted off without a word. Teyla turned to say something now to John, but stopped and stood, walking hurriedly off somewhere. John kept working, muttering to his friend.

"Alright, come on, Rodney, give me somethin' here. Say something. Come on, Keller's on the way, just hold on for three minutes, alright?"

"J-John…. 'M s'ry… Good friend… f-fami-.. fam'ly…." Rodney's eyes closed.

"No. Come on, McKay, don't talk like that. You are going to be alright. We're gonna get back to Atlantis and you are going to get patched up and be fine. Here me? Now stop that. You. Are. Fine. I promise. You'll be okay."

It took a moment for John to notice, and when he did, his heart nearly stopped.

"No. Oh, God, please no."

The blood had stopped gushing. That would be good, but it was what that meant that lodged that infuriating tennis ball in Sheppard's throat-McKay's heart had stopped beating.

"Crap. Crap!"

John went through the steps in light speed. _Clear airway. Tilt back head. Open mouth. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe…._

"Come on, Rodney. Stay with me! That's an order! Dang it, McKay!"

_Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. _It had a rhythm to it, now. _Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. _Teyla came back, realized instantly what was going on, and gently pulled John back, taking over for him. _Compressions. Clear. Breathe. _It was still going through John's mind as he watched his two friends, one near forsaking his life and the other fighting for it. _Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear—_Teyla sat back, tears clearly defined in her eyes. _No. _John knew that look all too well, and sure as heck wasn't going to take it now. He all but lunged forward, taking up where Teyla had left off. _Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Breathe. Compressions. Clear. Br—_Teyla set a gentle hand on his shoulder. When she spoke, her voice was broken.

"John—he's gone." Only three words. Three words to ruin his life. He shook his head, going back to his work. His bicep was gripped this time, a little more firmly. "John. Repeating this will no longer help him. If it would, believe me, I would continue until-." She stopped a moment, taking a hard breath. "But it will not. Please, just give him the rest he deserves."

_No. No, Teyla, you don't understand. Do you? You don't get how much he means to me. I need him. And you don't get that. Don't say this to me. Rodney-he's my friend. My best friend. I never got to tell him that. Please. You can't say that to me. He's not gone, because he can't be. Because if he is gone, then… Then so am I._

The jumper had finally arrived. All too late. Always too late. By what? Two minutes? Ronon was the first out, the first to see the scene. His dark skin grew to a near pasty shade.

No way. Their team was invincible. No one-not possible--… Sure, they got hurt. Nearly half of their missions ended up with at least two of them in the infirmary. But—but not gone. Not… dead. That. That was just impossible. Their team-it was unbreakable. To think that one of them _was _breakable… that was-unthinkable. It just couldn't happen. Ronon dropped to his knees then, shock hitting him like some vile sledgehammer.

Teyla stared at John, who looked agonized. She couldn't have ever imagined Sheppard like this. The pain in his eyes-... She looked away. The medical team had arrived, of course. Keller and the rest stopped and stared for a moment, taking in the scene before finally realizing what was happening. Jennifer pulled a hand up to her mouth as tears filled her eyes.

Everything was silent. For a moment. Then, suddenly, something seemed to change in John's eyes. Teyla was the only one to see it, and a second later, he lunged for Rodney's gun, pulling it out of its holster and up to his temple.

Everyone stayed stock-still. John's chest heaved. Teyla moved towards him, but he pulled back, cocking the gun. She stopped.

"John, please… Don't do this."

"You don't get it, Teyla. Do you? Rodney's dead. Dead! He's _not coming back!_ Do you have _any _idea what that means to me?!" He didn't care now that everyone was watching him. He didn't care that he was acting nothing like himself. Rodney was gone. That was all that mattered. Rodney was gone, and in a way, now, so was John.

"I _do_ get it, John. He meant a lot to you. Maybe more to you than even any of us. But do you really think he'd want you to act this way?"

Some part of John's mind said he would be acting even worse, but the other begged to differ. McKay was brilliant. He wasn't _stupid _enough to be acting like this. John's hand shook violently. Oh, how he wanted to pull that trigger. How he wanted to end it all. End the deep, shredding pain that had suddenly settled inside of him. But a part of what Teyla had said had cut through his wall. _Do you really think he'd want you to act like this? _The answer was no. If Rodney could see him now- the thought almost brought a dark smile to his face. If Rodney saw him like this-and he probably could, Sheppard now thought-he'd have a cow.

John back up. Even so… the temptation now was so great.

"Rodney was family. He was my brother… He's gone, Teyla. What should I have to live for?"

"Us, John. We're your family too, Ronon and I. Live for us. For Rodney's memory. For flying."

_For flying…_ The thought of never flying, never piloting again shook John's core. And leaving Teyla and Ronon—was the heck was he _thinking?!_ A look at Rodney's already-stiffening body sent the gun crashing hard into the stone wall. As soon as it left his hand, he collapsed to the ground, sobbing, not caring who was watching. Teyla and Ronon crawled over, pulling him into a deep, comforting hug.

_She never slows down_

_She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's_

_all alone_

_Feels like it's all crashing down_

_She won't turn around_

_The shadows are long and she fears if she cries_

_that first tear_

_The tears will not stop raining down_

He cried hard, sobbing into the arms of his fellow team mates, feeling their own tears seeping into his uniform. How had this happened?

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when it's all crashing down_

_You stand through the pain_

_You won't drown_

_And one day what's lost can be found _

_You stand in the rain_

John finally rose, keeping his stare purposely directed away from the lifeless body less than five feet from him. He walked to the jumper, back straight, leading his two friends who carried Rodney into the hovering ship. He was silent as he piloted the jumper back to Atlantis.

_She won't make a sound_

_Alone in this fight with herself _

_and the fears, whispering_

_If she stands, she'll fall down_

_She wants to be found_

_The only was out is through everything she's _

_Running from_

_Wants to give up _

_And lie down_

It was raining at Atlantis as they pulled in and delivered the news with dark, stony faces. The funeral was as Rodney would have wanted it. They cremated him, all fancy-like, and spread his ashes over some nearly deserted part of the city, where lots of old technology resided. It was… just like him. Almost made specifically for this purpose, of holding one of the greatest minds in the galaxy. The sky wept for the duration of the service, and a couple hours after that. It didn't rain in Atlantis after that day for quite awhile.

_So stand in the rain_

_Stand your ground_

_Stand up when it's all crashing down_

_You stand through the pain_

_You won't drown_

_And one day what's lost can be found_

_You stand in the rain. _

****

**Okay, officially one of the saddest stories I've written. I feel so miserable writing a deathfic, but the emotional depth is amazing. It's hard to stay in character, but then again, when someone dies, people don't stay in character. Also, I know the song was technically the story of a girl, but the rest was absolutely perfect for this. So dismiss that part. (Song is **_**Stand in the Rain **_**by Superchick)**


End file.
